Upside Down
by roane
Summary: Part I of Out: A Play in Three Acts (Soundtrack Provided by Miss Diana Ross)-It all started with a building. Maybe Steve and Bucky broke it a little. Steve has protective friends, so naturally, they come to investigate.


**Part I: Upside Down**

"Where's Steve?" Natasha says, sprawling on the couch. She props her feet up on Sam's lap like she's known him for years.

"He's not here yet?" Sam frowns. "He said he was coming by." He should be used to this by now, but he's not, just hanging out in Stark Tower with the rest of the superheroes, no big-this is his typical Friday night now.

"He's probably still looking for Bucky," she says. Two months, and nothing. The Winter Soldier-or whatever was left of him-had gone to ground so deep nothing they did turned up any trace.

"I told him not to go looking without us."

"Cap won't let anybody get near his old boyfriend," comes a new voice. Sam turns to see Tony Stark-yeah, that's never gonna get old, hanging out with freaking _Iron Man_-entering the room.

"Steve says they weren't-"

"Yeah, yeah." Tony waves his hand and pours a drink. "Look, Captain Clean is from the bad old days when men were men and sheep were nervous, okay? You think his boyband buddies were going to throw him a coming out party at 21 if they found out him and Barnes were a thing? Cap hasn't quite got it through his head that him and the Goth Prince don't have to be in the closet anymore."

"He hasn't seen him since he got out of the hospital." Which, granted had been about a day after he went in. That still was freaky as hell, how fast Steve had healed.

"That he's told you," says Stark, leaning against the counter. "That's sort of the point of being in the closet."

Natasha rolls her eyes. "So you're saying that Steve is sneaking away to hook up with his assassin ex-boyfriend?"

"Wouldn't you, _Natalia_, if he was your assassin ex-boyfriend?" Stark looks inordinately pleased with himself for some reason.

"Assassins don't have exes," Clint says, strolling into the room. "There are easier ways to end a relationship."

"Well, that's not at all creepy or off-putting," Sam says and Natasha kicks him in the leg. He grins at her.

"I just heard from Hill," Clint continues. "We're getting reports of some sort of big throwdown happening in Brooklyn. Sounds like a fight in a warehouse."

"Why call us? Did the NYPD go on strike?" Tony says, flopping into a chair.

"Witnesses say it looks like the building is self-destructing."

"Shit," says Sam, and jumps up, slipping out from under Natasha's feet.

"It's them," she says, standing. "Got to be."

"Birdman, you take Romanoff," Tony says, standing up. "I'll take Legolas. Everybody suit up."

* * *

"Cops know to stay back," says Clint, his voice in Sam's ear over the comms. "Told them we're on the way."

"Uh, what are we going to do if it's not them?" Natasha in his ear now, although he can feel her talking where he's holding on to the back of her harness.

"It's them," Tony says. "If I were a multi-dimensional being I would find a better place to start my invasion than an empty warehouse in Brooklyn."

"I wanna know, what are we gonna do if it is them?" Sam asks. "I mean, they gotta work this out themselves sooner or later."

"So that's our plan," Tony says. "Falcon. You fly in there and tell them they need therapy. Or at least couples counseling. You can do that, right? Good job, guys. Let's go home."

"Tony." It's all Natasha has to say, and Tony shuts up. There's another thing Sam is never gonna get tired of.

"Fine. Romanoff, we'll drop you and Barton off so you can do reconnaissance. Give us the situation and we'll go from there."

As they get closer, they can see the structural damage the building's taken. Windows are broken (from the inside out), and there's sagging in one section of the roof. One loud crash, and the building shakes.

"You guys better look quick," Sam says, as he sets Natasha down, "or we'll be digging through rubble."

* * *

"It looks like it's still safe to enter," Clint says over the comms. "For now."

"How bad's the damage?" Sam asks.

"About what you'd expect if two super soldiers got into a fight. Bent support columns-that's where the roof is sagging. Busted crates everywhere." Clint grunts. "Climbing up now to see if I can get a better view."

"No sign of either of them," Natasha says. She pauses. "Wait. Clint, did you hear that?"

Tense silence on the comms. Sam can imagine Natasha creeping through the darkness of the warehouse, and although he knows she's one of the best at what she does it's not hard to imagine someone like the Winter Soldier getting the drop on her either.

Faintly, filtered through the comms, Sam hears a sound like someone in pain.

"Tasha," Clint hisses.

"Abort mission." Natasha's voice is crisp and in control. "Repeat, abort mission."

Tony says, "What's going o-"

"I said abort. Clint, get the hell out of here."

"Holy shit," Clint says.

"What the hell is happening?" asks Sam.

"They're not fighting."

"Clint." There are daggers in Natasha's voice.

"It's them?" asks Tony.

"Oh yeah. It's them."

"_Clint._" The daggers have been upgraded to tactical nukes.

"I'm going, I'm going," Clint says. "Believe me, I've seen enough."

They come out a few minutes later, Natasha looking harsh as winter and Clint looking like he might've just gotten a kick in the ass.

"Either of you going to tell us what happened in there?" Tony demands.

Clint looks at Natasha, then shrugs. "Nope."

Tony starts to smirk. "They're getting it on, aren't they. Captain America wrecked a building with his boyfriend while getting laid. This might be the best day of my life."

Sam tries to imagine what sort of foreplay would dent a support girder, then decides he doesn't really want to know.

Natasha is on her cell. "Maria, situation's under control. No, everything's fine. Nothing to worry about."

"Best. Day. Ever," crows Tony. "To think just yesterday he was a Boy Scout. They grow up so fast, don't they? At least tell me which one was on top."

By all rights, Tony should fall to ribbons from the look Natasha gives him as she hangs up. "Not another word. Or I will hurt you."

"What?" Tony's face is hurt innocence. "I just want to make sure to get the cake right for their party."

"Party?" Sam is afraid to ask, but nobody else is going to.

"Their coming out party," Tony says, as if it should be obvious. "We need to get these two out of the closet and into the modern world." He glances toward the warehouse. "If we can get them to stop fucking in the closet, anyway."

"You are not going to throw them a party," Natasha says, walking over to Sam and gearing up for the flight back.

"I am _totally_ going to throw them a party, are you kidding? That's got to be the longest dry spell in the history of dry spells ending in there. That alone deserves a party."

He grabs on to Clint, and Sam gets Natasha. Just before they take off, Sam hears Natasha mutter, "Pepper is going to kill him."

Either way, it promises to be an interesting next few days.


End file.
